A couple’s sex life may get a little… spicier at some point in their relationship. You can easily fall into a rut after you learn how to make your partner’s body feel good. A new experience between the sheets requires trust, an open mind, and a lot of communication. That’s when the safe word comes into play – a term both partners agree means stop. I’m serious, don’t do it. If things get rough and kinky, a safe comment will likely come into play. While you might not think you need one before your erotic night of fun, you’ll be glad you did in the heat of the moment.
The Benefits of Having a Safe Word
Reading Fifty Shades of Grey may have introduced you to using a safe word during sex, or you may have already used one with your partner. Some people make fun of a safe word or believe it’s unnecessary, but it’s a quick and easy way to let someone know you must stop what’s happening.
Having this conversation can be awkward, but the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
Having a safe word can improve our sex lives and help us avoid difficult conversations and situations down the road, according to Maple Holistics’ Caleb Backe.
Getting caught up in the moment is easy.
We all know how easy it is to get caught up in a moment while having sex and get overly excited. Unfortunately, you may be misreading the signs your partner gives you, and one little word can prevent this from happening. If you’re into roleplaying or BDSM, Backe says a safe word is essential. Your partner may be harmed if you take things too far.
Is there a time when I should use the safe word?
It would be best if you hollered at whatever safe word you and your partner have chosen as soon as you begin to feel uncomfortable. Use your safe word as soon as you feel anxious, in pain, triggered by something, or painful having sex. Don’t be afraid of your partner’s reaction. As Engle assures, “you are entitled to use it at any time during any sexual scene, without judgment or anger.”
How does the term “safe word” work? What is its purpose, and where is it used?
An agreed-upon safe word is used to communicate with another person during a scene. For example, safe words are typically used to avoid confusion during sadomasochistic activities, where someone might scream in pain while also wanting more. As an example, “no” could mean “yes,” while “red” could mean “stop.”
If you agree on something, you can use safe words to signal it. “Traffic light” systems are the most common.
- The scene must be stopped immediately if it is red.
- An issue should be highlighted in yellow. It is possible that the person is reaching their limit and wants the play to slow down or ease up, but not stop. Maybe there is a need for more lubricant.
- You can continue playing if the green light is given. If you call “yellow” after checking in or after calling “red,” you might use this.
Playing without safe words is a favorite pastime for some people. As far as ethics and legality are concerned, this practice seems highly questionable. You can say “stop” in plain English, and that’s fine. That does not constitute not having a safe word.
As my Domme often points out, safe words exist not just for bottom/s-types but also top/D-types. Therefore, a new group has been formed to educate others on BDSM and her particular brand of kink, which incorporates humanism into BDSM.
Safe words are words that are universally understood.
- Like traffic lights, I use red, yellow, and green.”
- “No or stop, unless it’s a roleplay thing.”
- My favorite syllable is one.” “Safe. Easy enough.”
Some safe words aren’t verbal.
- “Snapping fingers quickly, since mouths aren’t always available in times of need.”
- “You can’t speak a safe word while well-gagged, and snapping and clapping are out when you’re straitjacketed.
Discover Why BDSM Is So Dam Enjoyable: In-Depth Beginners Guide!
The most intense sexual experiences of your life can be achieved through BDSM. You’re about to find out how to accomplish this. First, I’ll explain exactly what BDSM is and then show you how to experience BDSM with your partner in a way that will completely blow your mind.
It refers to various activities and roles, some of which involve sex and others do not. BDSM stands for bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and submission & masochism.
The BDSM guide is structured as follows:
- BDSM’s History – How did BDSM come about & who invented it?
- When introducing it to your relationship, three specific steps to get your partner excited about trying BDSM with you.
- BDSM Safety – This is a crucial step
- You can explore your submissive side safely for more profound pleasure by learning how to be submissive.
- You can learn how to dominate your partner and make them submit confidently by learning how to be dominant.
- Have a question about BDSM? Check out the BDSM FAQ.
Some activities might not involve sex, as I mentioned above. Why is that?
According to Peter Tupper, BDSM is about spirituality and energy. He described attending a suspension event where there was no sex involved in his book, A Lover’s Pinch: A Cultural History of Sadomasochism. Participants experimented spiritually with their pain thresholds rather than physically.
Unintentionally hurting someone is possible.
We can get hurt during sex or even unintentionally because we don’t talk about it. Nista says she hears many women commenting on this, but men also have difficulty and “reported experiencing pain when the woman is on top and is moving too quickly up and down.” It’s also possible for the erect penis to bend a certain way and cause a lot of discomforts.
Don’t be afraid to use traffic lights if you are unsure.
Nista suggests using traffic light colors to communicate with your partner. For example, you might say, “Green,” for “Yes, that feels great. Let’s do it again.” Amber for caution and red for stop right now. These are easy to decipher, and the positive side is you can communicate about what feels excellent if you aren’t into sexy talk.
Although some may feel silly, think about how we express the pain in other areas of our lives without shame. While admitting it, Nista says we may fear that our lover will believe we are “inadequate in the bedroom or that we will hurt their feelings.”
It may be uncomfortable to have the conversation at first, but it will save you both discomfort. No one wants to hurt someone without knowing it, and no one wants to push the limits with their partner. Trust and confidence are the foundations for a solid intimate connection, and having a safe word can help build trust in your relationship.